Memories

"Listening to Leonard Cohen. I love his music. He answers something in my heart. His "That Don't Make It Junk" is playing now. Here is a link to listen to it . I introduced my friend Marilyn Farrell to this song. It touched a cord in her. She loved it. Everytime I hear it, I think of her. I miss her. I wish she was here listening to it with me. Rest well, my dear friend. You are loved and missed", I whisper.

Are you listening?

Lonely versus being alone

"I am lonely. So much at times I feel I can not breathe. I am paralyzed and can't find my way out. I don't know how to even begin to move forward. I have been in this relationship 19 years on April 1st. I should have known, eh. April Fool's on me. I have been miserable for 13 years. For the past 6 years I have been really trying to change things. Over 8 months ago I told him if things didn't change, I would leave him. I gave him a year. Nothing has changed, in fact it has gotten worse. He is completely disconnected. We have nothing. There is no communication at all. On my 53 birthday, on the 18th of March, I told him it was over. He has not said one word about it, not one word! I don't think he believes me. I always just accept his behaviour. This time I am NOT going to. This time I am going to find a way out. I will NOT be afraid any longer.

I would rather be alone, than lonely," I whisper.

Are you listening?

Poem

"I saw a black crow in a field of white snow.




Crow on snow


black on white


warm on cold


free on bound


life on death


crow on snow.




What do you think?" I whisper.


Are you listening?

A New Year

"I am not too good at keeping resolutions. So I won't make one to keep at this blog this year. I will just do my best. A quick update on my life. My girls didn't move away. :) I am so happy. They are staying here and I see them on a regular basis. My granddaughter comes for sleepovers and we love having her. My daughter and I regularly do things together. My son is engaged to a lovely young woman. My partner is looking forward to retirement in 1 1/2 years. My mother is still driving me crazy, THAT won't ever change. She has a boyfriend now, in Kansas and spent a month there in October/November. She will be going for another visit in the spring. Me, I have gone back to school. I took a course in Social Psychology and got an A. Not bad for someone who got her degree 31 years ago! I took a yoga course, loved it and plan on taking another. I have started doing Passion Parties and am having a blast. 2011 is going to be MY year, I whisper.

Are you listening?

My Heart is Breaking

"My daughter Sarah and 3 year old granddaughter Riley live with us. Tonight Sarah told me that she has applied for a job in British Columbia and if she gets it she and Riley will be moving. I can't bear the thought of not having her and Riley with me. I love hearing Riley's little footsteps stomping up the stairs as she calls out "Meme, where are you?'. The house will be so empty without her and her dear mommy. Three thousand miles away. How will I survive?

And yet, I know that this is what Sarah needs to do. She is not happy here in New Brunswick, there are no jobs for her in her field and she needs to move so she can take care of herself and her little girl. I am so proud of her, she has done so well with school and working and raising her little girl. Riley is a wonderful, bright, happy little girl. She is her meme's angel.

I love you my girls," I whisper.

Are you listening?

A New Year

"2010? Where did 2009 go? It seems to have gone so quickly that I am not sure how it could have past. It was an eventful year. I was busy with my little granddaughter who is now almost 3 years old. I got another dog, a little minature pincher. We adopted him from a rescue group in Ontario. My mom was diagnosed with the beginning stages of Alzheimers disease. My partner Bob, cut his finger very badly with his table saw and was off work for 2 months. My whole routine was turned upside down. Another friend of ours died. The number of dead just keep adding up. A boy we knew years ago ended his life in December. More friends of my daughter died. They are too young to be leaving this world now. Bob's niece has been ill since April and no one knows what is the matter with her. His brother has been diagnosed with a rare disease that only 1 in 100,000 people get. It just goes on and on. When will it end?" I whisper.

Are you listening?

My Bad

"Well, all my good intentions for writing regularily this year haven't worked out. I have been sooo busy with my granddaughter and mother that I don't seem to have time to breath at times. I still want to write, so I will keep attempting to do so. Perhaps every Sunday?" I whisper.

Are you listening?