Jealousy

"Last night my partner was talking and playing with our cat Sam. Our very good natured dog Honey, who plays with Sam, tolerates him rubbing against her and even licking her, reacted violently. She jumped up from where she was laying and ran across the room and attacked Sam. The growling and violent motion scared our other cat and both she and Sam went running under a chair. Honey was grabbed and sent to bed in no uncertain terms.

This incident got me thinking about jealousy. I have noticed in the past that when the cats get on my lap or lay near me, Honey watches them in a very assertive way. She doesn't like them near. She doesn't like us paying attention to them. She is jealous. What is it about relationships that make man and beast want exclusiveness with another? Why is sharing of others so difficult? Why do people, and dogs feel so betrayed when affection is shown to another?

I remember as a child asking my mother over and over if she loved me more than my sisters. Couldn't stand the thought of her loving them at all. My children have been much more secure. They never have asked if I loved them. They know I do and that makes me feel good knowing that they are secure in my love for them.

Adult relationships are more difficult and fraught with greater problems than such childish behaviour. Jealousy arises in all relationships, whether between friends, between family members, between lovers and partners. People get jealous if more time is spent with an other, if a is speaking to b but not to c, if you have more than they do, if you have different than they do.

Jealousy arises most frequently between lovers and partners. Most people want their significant other to only be theirs, not to interact on any more than a superficial level with members of the opposite sex or anyone who could potentially be a romantic or sexual interest. And yet no one person can give anyone everything that they require. Every relationship adds to a person's growth, to their sense of self, to their identity. Every relationship brings something unigue to both parties lives and it seems self limiting to me to expect to have only one close person in your life at a time. Why do we feel jealous or threatened if our partner has any kind of a relationship with someone else? Why are we so insecure in our own worth that we see others as a threat to our relationships? Why do we limit ourselves?", I whisper.

Are you listening?