Brokeback Mountain

"Wow! What an incredible movie. It gets my vote for the scenery, for the acting, for the story. I think both men were incredibly brave to make this movie. We have certainly come a long way from the time that is portrayed in the movie. It is hard to believe that people were actually killed for loving someone of their own sex. Wait, that still happens in countries all around the world. Maybe we haven't come as far as I would like to think.

This movie will make you think and even if you don't agree with homosexual love maybe you will at least begin to understand it. How can love of any kind be wrong? Love just is and people should be judged not on who they love, but by their actions and how they live their lives. Everyone should have the freedom to love anyone they choose", I whisper.

Are you listening?

Crisis

"My daughter called. Her 2 roommates are moving out. One is bi-polar and nothing but trouble, so this is a good thing. The other young woman chooses to follow her roomate rather than stay with my daughter and so is also going. The problem is, they are not giving a months notice and so Sarah is left holding the bag, so to speak. Their rent is $850 and Sarah has no way to get that money in 2 days.

She is being very adult about the situation. She has called the landlord and explained things to him, she is advertising for new roommates and she is not sitting around wallowing in self pity. She got up and applied for a job today. Yes, she is also currently unemployed. She has handed out dozens of resumes and job applications and has had a couple of calls and an interview. Hopefully, she will be gainfully employed soon.

As a parent it is so difficult to sit back and watch your child suffer. However, we learn through suffering and I am sure that Sarah is learning lots of lessons these days. I won't pay her rent, that's her responsiblity, but I did pay for the ad in the paper. I hope that she gets a good response and is able to find some compatible people to share with. I don't know what she will do if she doesn't. All I can do is support her, listen to her and love her." I whisper.

Are you listening?

Challenger

"Twenty years ago today, I took my 1 year old baby girl, put her on the floor of the den with some toys, got my 3 year old son, turned on the tv and sat down with him on the floor to watch a historical event, the lift off of the space shuttle Challenger.

Phillip was really looking forward to seeing this, he has always been interested in science, even then science shows were his favourite things to watch. We sat there and watched as the astronauts walked past the cameras. He knew which one was Christa McAuliffe, the teacher who was going into space. We listened to the countdown, watched Challanger lift off and start her journey.

I held Phillip on my lap and listened to his excited talk about space, astronauts and what we were seeing and then to my complete disbelief and shock we watched as Challenger exploded. I couldn't say anything, I didn't know what to say. Then my little boy turned to me and with eyes as huge as saucers, filled with pain, he said "they're all dead, aren't they mommy?"

Phillip doesn't remember the explosion of the space shuttle Challenger. Most people don't remember things that happen that early. Three is very young and lives get filled with all kinds of things, both good and bad, happy and sad, important and unimportant. I remember though and it is one of my strongest memories of my son's early years. They were busy, filled with day to day moments that swiftly turned into years but I remember a little boy who wanted to see a wonderful, exciting event and instead saw death and surprisingly, at least to me, recognized it.

As parents we are the keepers of our children's early lives and we remember for them the things that they have forgotten, their first footsteps, their learning to count or read, their stumbles and their successes. And we remember the events that shaped their lives in ways that are not apparent. One such event is the explosion of the Challenger. And so for Phillip I remember and mourn lives lost. We cannot know what difference a successful flight of Challenger would have made to a world or a little boy. We can know however that we changed, the world changed, our children's future changed. And so we remember Dick Scobee, the shuttle's commander, pilot Mike Smith, astronauts Ellison Onizuka, Judy Resnik, Ron McNair and Greg Jarvis, and Christa McAuliffe. As regular readers of this blog know, I do not believe in "God". I can however appreciate references to him when beautifully written and so here is President Ronald Regan's quote which says so well what I feel today, "We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for their journey and waved good-bye and 'slipped the surly bonds of Earth' to 'touch the face of God." I remember",I whisper.

Are you listening?

Infinity

"Do you remember the first time you understood what infinity means? I do. I was about 7 years old, a real tomboy. My favourite present was a set of cowboy guns. Came with a rifle, a pair of guns with holsters and a sheriff's badge. I can remember looking at that badge. It had a sheriff on it wearing a badge. I just knew that on that badge was a sheriff with a badge and on that badge was, well you get the picture. I have understood and loved the idea of infinity ever since.

If the idea of infinity intrigues you here is a website to check out The Infinite Cat Project. When did you first understand the meaning of infinity?" I whisper.

Are you listening?

Death

"I had lunch today with a friend. The last time I saw her was back in November. At that time her cancer was in remission and she was in good spirits. Now her cancer is back after only 8 months and she is waiting. Waiting for tests, waiting for treatment, waiting for the doctors to decide on treatment, waiting, waiting. I can't imagine living in the limbo she is in, with death being the possible end result.

I know we are all dying from the moment of conception. As my mother would say, there is no other way out of here. But to contemplate your end with the knowledge that it may very well be soon, well I am not sure how I would handle that. I am not afraid of death itself. It is the dying that bothers me. That slow, or quick step that we all must take. I am not afraid of the after, just the getting there.

And what I fear is not the pain for me, but the pain for those who are dear to me. The pain that my going would cause, the pain they would feel knowing I was in pain. The unfinished things between us, the hurts we have caused or shared, the unfullfilled hopes, the memories, the unlived parts of our lives. These things are what I fear, not being gone or what comes next.

I have complete confidence in that part of this journey we are all on. I know with absolute certainty that what awaits us is neither a heaven nor a hell, but a rebirth back into this life so that we may continue our journey. That we are here to learn and when we all have learned what we need to learn, that the greater life that we are all part of, will become conscious and all knowing. Of this I have no doubt." I whisper.

Are you listening?

Postcrossing

"I belong to postcrossing.com, a postcard exchange group. You register, get someone's name and address and send them a postcard. Someone else gets your name and sends you one. Soon you are exchanging postcards with people from around the world. I have received postcards from Finland, Spain, Portugal, Germany, England, Brazil and the United States. I have sent cards to the same countries as well as to Hong Kong. Even though I have received more than one card from some of the countries, each postcard is unique as is the comments of the senders.

Of the cards I have sent, some people don't seem to care what kind they get, others collect certain types, others seem more interested in the message. One man wants to know something about each of the people that send him cards, that no one else knows. A woman I just mailed a card to collects quotes. I sent her this one by Carl Jung, "Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens."

This is a delightful way to meet people, share your part of the world with the rest of the world, and learn about other places and why they are important to those who live there. I am posting the postcards I receive on my flickr site. Feel free to visit", I whisper.

Are you listening?

New Year's Resolution #8

"For those who don't remember this resolution was:

Number 8 is to be even more environmentally friendly. I think one good place to start is to go paperless when it comes to bank statements and bills, and that will be my first green project.

I have done the first thing I was going to do. I have converted all my bank statements and bills, to paperless billing. Yeah! A couple took some doing, due to user unfriendly websites but now it is done and I feel good. The Aliant bills alone will save about 6 peices of paper a month. Every little bit helps and it feels good to be doing my part to help make our world a better place.

We already recycle everything that can be, we compost and we donate our unwanted items to freecycle. I think the next thing I will do is look into environmentally friendly cleaning supplies that actually work, have tried some and they don't quite do the job. Any other good ideas?" I whisper.

Are you listening?

Conservative Victory

"From my point of view this is a very sad day for Canada. I can't believe that a Harper government bodes well for this country. I am fearful of what the future holds for women and minorities of all kinds. A narrow, religious view has no place in government and I can only hope that the Liberals and NDP will do everything they can to limit the power of this new conservative governement. It will be interesting to see what the next couple of years brings to Canada. It will also be interesting to see what the change of government will do for Canada/US realtions. I hope that I am wrong about this change. I will wait and see." I whisper.

Are you listening?

Vote

"For my Canadian readers, nothing else needs to be said. Make sure you vote tomorrow, it does count, plus if you vote you get to bitch about the government so VOTE!

Spring?

"When I first moved to New Brunswick I was told that I could tell when spring had arrived because the snow around the base of the trees would melt first. Well not only has this snow melted but so has virtually all the snow. The air today had that light, warm quality to it that bespeaks the arrival of spring. Does this mean spring is here?

We have had no real winter. The ground has been bare far more than snow covered. I must admit that I haven't had my fill of winter yet. I want more dark nights, more snowfilled days. I love to watch the snow fall. It is like being inside a snowglobe. It has a magical quality to it that brings out the child in me. I want to rush outside, catch snowflakes on my tongue, lay on the ground and make snow angels, catch someone unaware with a snowball and watch my dog run through the snow leaping and dancing because her paws are cold. I want the cozy candlelit winter nights, warm stew on the stove and a good book to curl up with.

I am not yet ready for all that spring brings, the garden cleanup, the lighter clothes, the rush to be outdoors. I am not ready for summer following quickly on springs heels. I want still the sights and sounds of winter." I whisper.

Are you listening?

Disclaimer

"This is for Paddy and any others who miss me when I don't post. I needed a day off today. Hope yours is great", I whisper.

Are you listening?

Crude Reflections- A website you NEED to visit

"Sometimes words aren't enough. Sometimes pictures aren't. And sometimes words and pictures are too much. They tear at your heart. Here is a ">website that I encourage you to visit. It tells the story in pictures and peoples' own words, of the pollution and environmental damage done to the jungles and people of Ecudaor by ChevronTexaco. Take the time to read the words and see the pictures. If you do nothing else this week,nothing at all, visit this site. It will not leave you unaffected and might even motivate you to activism. I know it has changed me.

Stormy Weather

"The wind is howling around the house, the rain driving against the windows. At times it is so loud it seems that the whole roof must be lifting off. I wonder if my flags will still be flying tomorrow morning. I am sure trees will be down, the leaves that remain shredded off the branches. I feel for the birds, the animals and the homeless on a night like this. Storms like this leave desolation behind them. They also offer an opportunity to see the damage they do as a cleansing of the world. Trees that need removing come down, rivers flood to leave behind nutrients on the land and the weak in the animal world are winnowed out. The air feels fresh and clean when the storm has blown through.

Storms in life can be as damaging and as cleansing. They make you rethink your perceptions, re-evalute your life and find new paths when the old are no longer traversable. The goal in life is to find the path that is the best for you to walk. We each are on a different journey and no two paths are the same. The storms of life help us find our way by clearing out new paths, by destroying the old and by showing us that we will always find a way through. What paths have you found through the stormy weather that blows through your life?" I whisper.

Are you listening?

Death and the Law

"The United State Supreme Court, in a 6 to 3 vote has upheld a law allowing assisted suicide in the state of Oregon. This law had been passed twice by the people of Oregon.

Although it only allows the terminally ill to receive help and then only under strict rules, it is the start of the road we need to go down. People who are ill, not just dying, deserve the right to end their life with dignity, if that is what they so choose. Sometimes life, for the chronically ill, is as hard as it is for those who are dying. If you have only a horrible existence, with an ignoble death at the end to look forward to, you should have the right to choose whether you live or die. If you choose death and cannot end your life without help, that help should be available, no strings attached.

I hope that if I ever reach the point where life no longer holds promise or joy or excitement for me, only pain and misery, that someone will be there to help me leave this world. It would be a gift and I would appreciate the giving." I whisper.

Are you listening?

Ups and Downs

Well, today was a rollercoaster ride of a day. Sent an email off to my partner's niece, concerning yesterday's post, then got one from her she had written prior to receiving mine. Between the following emails back and forth I went from crying to laughing and while we haven't met for lunch, we do have a dinner date for Friday. She is willing to listen which is a good thing.

Read a blog today that touched me, the writer sounded so sad. Left a comment saying I would check back, they felt no-one would ever read their writing and if they did, wouldn't come back. He then visited this blog and said thanks and that he was listening. I think that's all most people want, to be heard and acknowledged.

It seems that the world is full of sad and lonely people. It makes me wonder if there is anyone who is completely happy and fullfilled. Are you?" I whisper.

Are you listening?

Reality

"Had a lesson in reality today. Sent my partner's niece an email. I have my blog url as a signature line. She read yesterday's entry. She called me very upset. How do I explain to her how and why I feel the way I do? We are meeting for lunch on Tuesday. I must admit that I am not looking forward to it like I was. I will have to tell her things that she probably won't want to hear. I can hear her now, "too much information!" Life gets so complicated and there never seems to be an easy answer. I wish there was a magic wand I could wave that would make everything all right," I whisper.

Are you listening?

Helpless and Hopeless

"My mother thinks I am depressed and should be on medication. I looked up the signs of clinical depression and I only have one "feeling worthless, helpless or hopeless". And I don't feel worthless, just "helpless and hopeless". That makes me believe that I am not depressed. I'm not, I am realistic. I see my situation as hopeless and myself helpless to do anything about it. I am in a relationship where every aspect except one is good. We are compatible, we like the same things, we love each other and we have goals together. In only one area are there problems, and there appears to be no solution that is acceptable to both of us. I cannot continue living with this situation and he cannot accept the solution I have. Like I said in a previous blog, who decides who gets hurt? If we continue this way, I am hurt on a regular basis. He won't consider my solution, because he believes it will hurt him. If we split up, we both get hurt. I lose the best friend I have ever had, he loses the same. How can a situation like this be resolved if no compromises can be made," I whisper.

Are you listening?

Weird News

"Everyday I see news items that strike me as weird or facinating. I love learning new things but some of the stuff, really! Today's National Post has a picture of a pig that glows. It seems scientists in Taiwan have added jellyfish protein to the cells of pig embryos and voila! they glow. Did anyone ask the pigs if they want to glow at night, it might disrupt their sleep!

Then there was the story of the mouse that got it's revenge. Seems a man in New Mexico caught a mouse, decided to get rid of it by throwing it in a fire he had going in his back yard. The mouse caught on fire and then ran back inside the house and burned it down. Way to go mouse. Bet that man doesn't try burning mice again!

Moving from the weird to the interesting, at least to me, is the story on filed teeth found in viking graves 1000 years old in Sweden. It seems they may have visited the New World way back when and learned how to do this from our native peoples. First time this has been found in Europe.

And then for all you golfers out there, it appears that the scots didn't invent this game, the Chinese did, like so many other things. It will be interesting to see if this claim is refuted or proven by other researchers. I wonder what the people of Scotland think?"' I whisper.

Are you listening?

Honesty

"I have begun to question the value of honesty. You tell people the truth and they either don't hear it or don't want to hear it. You don't speak your truth and you suffer, you speak out, you suffer as well. And all you have done is hurt someone else. So I quess the question is, who decides who gets hurt?" I whisper.

Are you listening?

Outrage

"I am one of those people who should never watch the news before I go to bed. There is always a story that upsets me to some degree or another. Tonight it was the Japanese harvesting whales for "scientific" reasons. The fact that they sell the meat in stores for consumption by their citizens and that the whaling industry brings in $47 MILLION a year is considered irrelevant in their arguements as to why they should be allowed to kill whales.

Here are a couple of links to various news articles on the issue. National News from New Zealand,on stuff.co.nz. The Independent - online edition from Great Britain.

I can not understand why anyone would want to kill and endanger the existence of the few remaining whales. Actually as the title of this blog suggests I am outraged by the whole idea. The video that I saw on the National tonight was disgusting. According to various sources it took over 10 minutes for the animal to die. If that was a human we would consider it torture. Perhaps those of us that are outrage by the actions of the Japanese would have more impact than does Greenpeace, if we boycotted all things Japanese until they cease whaling at all. What do you think?" I whisper.

Are you listening?

Rearranging

"After christmas I wanted to rearrange our living room. Because we have an open concept house I couldn't figure out how to do it. With only 3 walls to work with there didn't seem to be any other possible way to rearrange our furniture.

I have been mulling this over in my head for days and it wasn't until I realised that I didn't have to keep everything, that I was able to work out a solution. We spent the evening moving and discarding furniture and now it it is all finished the room looks much better, feels bigger and the energy is no longer stagnant but vibrant and alive.

In the process of rearranging things I had to move all my books out of 3 bookshelves. As I took them out I began to realise that there were books I hadn't opened in years, ones I would never read again (or even worse, had never read) and only about half of them did I really want to keep. I have piled all the unwanted books into my office and tomorrow I will sit down and post them all on freecycle. This not only gets rid of them, but allow others to enjoy them . Giving things away is always so much better than trying to get the last cent of worth out of them by selling.

Considering that we moved these very same books clear across the country less than four years ago, for me to even be able to contemplate getting rid of them says a lot about the progress I am making. I am learning to let go and not to have so much of myself invested in things. My whole family are keepers, I was brought up to never get rid of anything. I love the feeling I have now, to know that you don't have to keep things just because you have them is very liberating. Try it, you might surprise yourself at how good you feel when you let go," I whisper.

Are you listening?

Memories

"As well as my digital camera, for christmas I received a special gift which came complete with memories. My mother sent me the christmas candy dish that graced our coffee table every christmas throughout my childhood. She had it long before I was born and I am so grateful to her for sharing it with me. As I packed up all the christmas things yesterday I was keenly aware of where all my treasures came from. My daughter has given me many of my santas, my mother most of the decorations I haven't bought for myself. The odd little treasure I have received from others who have been important to me in my life.


This little fellow I received tied to a package when I was about 7 or 8. He came from my Aunt Roxie in El Dorado, Kansas. I can't remember what the present was, but I still have my little elf.





The star my mom bought for herself in 1944 or 1945. She had 4 of them and shared them with her three girls, keeping one for herself. Again something I really value.





And here is my candy dish. I will treasure it forever because it is a piece of my childhood and brings back wonderful memories of ribbon candy, falling snow and fires in the fireplace. May your christmas memories all be as sweet," I whisper.


Are you listening?

The Grinch

"My partner made me a special christmas present this year. He loves to build and when he saw this Grinch at a friend's house, he decided that he would make one for me. I think it is delightful and wanted to share it with you. Isn't he cute?", I whisper.



Are you listening?

Going Digital

"For christmas I received a digital camera. It's a Panasonic 4.0 megapixels, 3x optical zoom. There is a definite learning curve to using one of these. The biggest difference is getting used to not having a lens finder. Lining things up in the screen is very different than the old fashion way.

There were a number of reasons why I wanted to go digital, the main one though was for environmental reasons. After reading on Ideal Bite how environmentally friendly digital cameras are, I decided that it was what I wanted. As well, there is the added convience of being able to directly import pictures to your computor, instead of developing and then scanning them in. The environmentally friendly aspect kicks in when you consider all the chemicals you are not using when you don't print all those really bad pictures you have taken, and the ink used to print from a memory chip is different and more environmentally friendly than that used to print from film. Altogether a positive choice.

My first attempts at picture taking have been various christmas ornaments I have. My partner made me a 4 foot high wooden Grinch for christmas and a six foot wooden tree. I have taken pictures of them and some of my santas and am now learning how to use the various programs that came with the camera. The next thing is to get a good picture of me taken so I can add it to this site as well as a number of others I have. Have already consigned a number to the garbage can that didn't quite make the grade!! Love that, just chuck them if they don't turn out.

I think I will enjoy this new camera and the opportunities it brings. Maybe I will share some pictures here, if they are good",I whisper.

Are you listening?

Blogs

"Spend last night wandering through the world of blogs. You can find somethng written on just about any topic at all. Came across poker sites, photography, mothers proudly showing of their babies, teenager's angst and rants, guncollections, resumes, stories, scouting groups, poetry collections, politacal commentary and even blank pages. Peoples's unfullfilled dreams perhaps?

I found some sites I would like to share with you. Form & Emptiness has some wonderful pictures of Korea while Dave's Pics shows scenes of Anchorage, Alaska.

My son's blog The Art of Sushi sent me to jesus' favorite where you can read the very touching story of the death of a young woman's stepmother. A beautifully written tribute.

There are also those blogs that get you thinking, such as the possiblity of fire, found his posting Longing very thought provoking. The Splintered Mind by Douglas Cootey interested me enough to read a couple of posts and I will be back for more. Will also return to read more from Introspection. Loved the posting Chivalry is dead.

So here are some more blogs for you to peruse in the new year. Leave your favourites behind in a comment, so I can enjoy them. Please."I whisper.

Are you listening?

Pain

"Pain is lonely.

When you are in pain, no-one seems to comprehend how you feel unless they have suffered the same kind of pain. This was brought home to me this evening as I talked to my mother. She is 83 and for the past couple of months has been suffering muscle pain. She talks like she has never heard of such pain before. The irony is I have had fibromyalgia for 15 years. I have told her about my pain. I have told her about my inablity to do anything when I am in extreme pain. There have been times when I have been unable to dress myself, go to the bathroom without help or even walk because of it. She has never understood. Now she is in the same pain and unfortunately she still seems unable to comprehend that I know how she feels because I have suffered the same way.

I wish there was something I could do for her, to help with the pain but more importantly to help her understand how hurt I have been that my pain has never been acknowledged. A, "well, I don't see how you stand it", comment isn't what I am looking for but I know it's all I'll ever get." I whisper.

Are you listening?

Memoirs of a Geisha

"My daughter Sarah and I saw this wonderful movie tonight. I was so touched by the story, and the scenery and the costumes were beautiful. The characters are so real, their stories so tragic, it makes you wonder how women like these lived. Their lives must have been agony. I cannot imagine living such a life, a life where you have no choices, where your very existence is dictated by a rigid standard of behaviour. Where others control your every action. Where nothing you own is yours, not even the clothes on your back, in this case exquisite kimonos, collector's items, like the very women who wore them. Things to be desired, possessed, bought and paid for. Not real women, but the image of the perfect woman.

Is our society any better? Do not the women of today find themselves buried in the same way, by a society that says to be accepted you have to dress a certain way, wear a certain kind of makeup, do your hair like a million and one other women? Do our young womem have any more of a chance to really be themselves than did the slave girls who became geisha? I am not sure they do." I whisper.

Are you listening?

Fear and Faith

"Two years ago, my son Phillip, in his third year of university, announced one day that he was dropping out of school to pursue a career as a cook/chef. My immediate response, as it always is, was to panic. I could see him working at some greasy spoon at minimum wage for the rest of his life! I was in full mothering mode. However my children have been teaching me over the past few years, to pause and reflect before I vent my panic, so I restrained myself, said okay but you have to work and pay rent and let it go for the moment.

The next day I went online and researched cooks and chefs in the Canadian context and was greatly reassured by what I read. I visited the Canadian Apprenticeship website, learned about Red Seals, the need for cooks/chefs now and in the future, and the potential income of cooks/chefs. I learned that, contrary to my beliefs, there is a real need for chefs in the world today and that a trained professional chef makes far more than minimum wage. I relaxed enough to stop my worrying and began to enjoy the far more relaxed and happy young man that was my son.

Two years have passed, Phillip has done Block One of the cook's apprenticeship program, worked hundreds of hours as a line cook at a local sports bar and now the Delta Hotel in Fredericton and loves his job more all the time. He is a happy, reasonably well paid young man, getting ready to do his Block Two in February.

On New Year's eve my partner and I went out to dinner at one of Fredericton's better restuarants. At the end of the meal, our waiter asked how we liked the dessert. My partner said it was delicious and jokingly said, "And you made it yourself, right." Our waiter said, "yes, as of next week I am the head chef". I must have had a look of disbelief on my face because he said, "really, I am" and proceeded to tell us that he had moved all the way from Vancouver, British Columbia for the job. I told him we were from Victoria, he said he was from there too. I then told him about my son being a cook's apprentice. He inquired where he worked, I said the Delta and he said, "here in Fredericton?" I said yes amd he said,"Why is he working there, when he could be working here creating food like this?"

Rob, the waiter, then said to have Phillip call him for a job interview, immediately following that up with, "No, I will call him." I gave him our phone number and tonight he called. Phillip has a job interview tomorrow at 3pm.

And what you ask, does all this have to do with the title of this blog, Fear and Faith? Well I am learning as I get older, that of all the bad things you can worry about, most are not ever going to happen. That one needs a little faith in life, in the process and in people. I was afraid that Phillip was in a going nowhere job, instead he has found a career for himself that offers great personal satisfaction and the potential for a very good living. I have learned that a good cook/chef (and I do know that there is a difference) will always have work and that people will actually headhunt for good workers. I have learned that I can actually trust others to make smart decisions, that I don't have to worry all the time and that at some point in my children's life and I think that time is now, I can let go and they will be fine." I whisper.

Are you listening?

New Year's Resolutions

"Well, it's that time of year again. Actually a time I enjoy, making resolutions to guide me through the next year. I have been giving a lot of thought to this year's resolutions and I don't believe that there are any repeats from previous years.

As previously stated one of my resolutions is to lose 20 lbs. I am going to do this through a variety of means. First, by cutting out all wheat and potatoes in my diet. They upset my stomach and make me gain weight. I am also going to increase my water intake. This is a proven method for loosing weight and as some days go by and I don't drink any water, anything should help! I am also going to continue with my walking and belly dancing. Let's see how I do!

My second resolution is to spend more time with my daughter. She moved out last summer and it has been hard not seeing her on a daily basis. I am going to make a concentrated effort to get together with her at least twice a month for some mom/daughter time. We start this Wednesday with going to see Memoirs of a Geisha. Then we will grab a cup of coffee at Starbucks and talk about the movie. Sarah loves movies and asked me to go with her. I am glad she did. I have a tendancy to not always do the things she asks me to do with her. I need to, in order not to loose touch with her. She is precious to me and I want to keep our connection.

Number 3 is to write to my mom weekly. She is 83 years old, not at all well and living by herself. I talk to her almost every day, but she loves to get mail and because it means a lot to her, I am going to make sure she gets something in her mailbox on a regular basis.

My fourth resolution is to maintain my various friendships that I have. I have a tendancy to let time go by without contacting people. No more, this is a year of a new me and if I want that community I have been talking about in previous posts, I have to work on it!

My fifth resolution is to finish the things I have started, be they the afghan for Sarah, scanning all my old family photos, the various scrapbooking projects, my website etc. You get the picture. I start things and don't finish them. I am going to aim for one a month. Wow, that means at the end of the year I will have completed 12 major projects! That will be reason to celebrate next new years.

Number 6 is to read more this year. Only managed 5o books last year. My average is usually around 100. Don't know what happened in 2005. It's not that I don't have books to read. We have an excellent library, I have piles of unread books I own and lots of opportunities to get more. Let's see what jewels I find this year.

My seventh resolution is to enjoy nature more. I live on a beautiful 1.4 acrea piece of property and mostly I enjoy it out my window. This year I am going to spend more time outside. No reason not to now, we got a mosquito zapper and it works, so no bugs to worry about. With my new digital camera I will be able to take lots of beautiful nature and animal shots!

Number 8 is to be even more environmentally friendly. I do a lot already. We recycle everything that we can and I give away unwanted items through Freecycle instead of putting them in the garbage. I think one good place to start is to go paperless when it comes to bank statements and bills, and that will be my first green project.

Number 9 is to spend more time developing a spiritual life. I have been working on this in fits and starts, it however, has NEVER been on my list of resolutions. This year it is. I have an aching need for something spiritual in my life. I have found the path I want to follow, now I just need to take those first stumbling steps along the way. Hopefully I won't stumble too badly!

And number 10 is to be me. To be more true to myself in my relationships with others and not to feel guilty when I am. The older I get and the more I learn about myself, the more comfortable I am with who I am and I am actually learning to like that person.

What are your new year's resolutions?"I whisper.

Are you listening?

Happy New Year

"Happy New Year. Welcome to 2006. Here are some quotes celebrating the new year that I found on The Quote Garden. Some to muse on, some to laugh at and some to make you think.

Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past. ~Henry Ward Beecher

New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. ~Mark Twain

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day. ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go. ~Brooks Atkinson

One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. ~John Burroughs

We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential. ~Ellen Goodman

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. ~G.K. Chesterton

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. ~Benjamin Franklin

No one ever regarded the First of January with indifference. It is that from which all date their time, and count upon what is left. It is the nativity of our common Adam. ~Charles Lamb

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. ~Hal Borland

The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul... ~G.K. Chesterton

I hope that this is a great year for you all,"I whisper.

Are you listening?